Deena BinghamWe all wonder about the choices we’ve made, the live’s that could have been or we could’ve had, paths not taken, doors not opened, or doors closed. Sometimes living with regret or wondering if we made the right choice.
On the day that I write this I am in the middle of a one week rest, prayer and writing sabbatical. I am in a town that I had lived in for years with my husband and where two of my children were born. As I was taking a walk this morning with my friend’s dog I walked by our old house. The garage door opened as I was walking by and I saw all of the things that we had done inside that garage over 15 years ago and I watched a teenager start the car for her mother and then go back inside. My thought at that moment was, that could have been my life! Had we made different decisions or choices, that would have been my daughter opening that garage door and getting ready to leave for a camp, activity or whatever they were doing that day. This led me to some introspection.
After spending the day reflecting on those choices I came to the conclusion that we had made the right choices, though sometimes hard, as all life is. I realized we are exactly where we are supposed to be. I have a wonderful life, full of friends and family. I would have most likely continued to have that here in this town in Florida, but for some reason God led us to a small town in the mountains of Western North Carolina. I am not sure I would have had the diagnosis of Lupus here. I think I wold have probably continued to be labeled as depressed, anxious, a hypochondriac or worse it would have killed me, diagnosis or not, I am not sure I would have made the same choices about my health as I do now. I don’t believe I would have found the doctor’s or the people I needed that I feel God truly led me to. They saved my life! I am in a good place physically and mentally because of these people, without them I would still be floundering. They truly gave me the inspiration and the guidance to continue my fight. In this process we also adopted more children and without them our family would not be complete. Again, another good reason among a host of them that God knew what he was doing when he nudged us to the mountains and closed this chapter in our lives. And I probably wouldn’t be sitting her typing this blog post to try and inspire other’s with my journey and talking about the choices we make.
I say these things for the person that is not well, sitting at home with a chronic condition, that has not taken care of themselves or made the right choices concerning their healthcare. Or the person who wants to take control of their health, physical or mental, but doesn’t know where to begin. Our choices can be changed, we can always turn around and go in the other direction. Just because we haven’t taken care of ourselves and done everything possible to be as healthy as we can, even with a chronic condition or disease, it doesn’t mean we can’t start now.
It took me years to find the right diet, physical activity, medicine and supplements that was just the right cocktail for me. Don’t give up, keep fighting and if you do, you will eventually find the right combination for you. But you have to make the choice to start. One small baby step at a time. Don’t give up if you take some steps backwards or have a major flare. I still do all the time, but the difference is I start over each and every time, even through my frustrations. Keep starting over, trying to be the healthiest you and eventually you will feel better and the times between flares will be shorter. Even if they are not, you will still find a more joyful and purposeful you! I know that this is what happened to me.
I am not saying you will be cured or it is you causing the disease or the symptoms. I am saying that by taking control over the disease, and not letting it define or control you, you can live a joyful life and be healthier, physically and mentally, because of the choices you make. Even with the disease or condition, you can still make a difference in how you feel, only you can take your joy away. Take control of all aspects of your life related to your health and I promise, you will feel better. I still have days or even weeks that I am not well or flare, but those days and weeks will be less when you are in control and not the Lupus or condition!
Don’t let your circumstances define you, you decide how you are going to live. No matter what your circumstances are use your choices to find joy, to help others and live the best life you can and offer the best of you to others, through those circumstances. Even lying in an hospital bed you can decide how you react to your circumstances and others, make the choice to react with grace and joy.
Thank you for being a part of my journey and I hope you find your joy today. Your Friend, Deena.
